Cats on Edwards are the Hardest

by Woehrwolf

supported by
Brad Merrell
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Brad Merrell Some of the best stuff I've ever heard out of Binghamton Favorite track: Sluglords.
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Recorded between Punk Cuts in Binghamton, NY and Mom's House


released July 22, 2016

Special thanks to Bob and Jim Slocum, mom and dad, and sweet angel AJ for their lyrical, financial, and moral support (respectively)

Bonus Track (?) composed and performed by Sam Woehr as Deep in December



all rights reserved


Woehrwolf Binghamton, New York

Sometimes I feel like I'm a vampire on my 100th birthday.

That's a picture of my gramps. He'd be about a hundred right now

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Track Name: bitch baby whiner
I've been trying to find the line between saying how I feel and not feeling quite so bad about having nothing to say
I'm taking all my meals on the couch with my best friends from season two and its not a lot of food, but its the better part of my day

If you had a feeling but you changed your ways,
I wanna know who you were that day
If you took an hour to buy twelve groceries or less,
I want to know your decision process
If you want to tell me to shut up or go away, please
I won't fucking hate you I'm just bad at taking social cues to leave

I'm feeling something come between us
but it isn't real i'm dealing with some stuff
I was born with a feeling, its a feeling of fear living in my gut
it's a fickle fading, I'm afraid of the folks that I haven't known for at least nine months

If you care too much about other people's feeling, you're gonna rot yourself away
trying not to speak when you have nothing nice to say,
so just say it anyway

no ones ever gotten better by bottling their conflicts
if you think that's what you're doing, just be a bottle rocket
use your feels for fuel and blast off from the crust
better do it soon before you start to rust.
Track Name: The Birds and the Bees (whatever that means)
I bought a bird feeder to put outside my window but the birds, they never came
I saw a squirrel and it crawled inside my roof hole,
I think more did the same

I saw a cat when it walked onto my porch
then it saw me and left
I heard a dog and it was barking at another dog, while I slept

All these animals don't need me.
All these animals
don't need me

I made a crown out of a branch that I found on a tree that was growing in the ground
I picked a flower and I put it in the hole inside my pocket,
and then it died

All these plants and trees don't need me
all these things with leaves don't need me
if I need then to breathe, then why don't they need me?

I saw an ant and it was crawling on my floor
I would have killed it but I knew that there were more
I watched a bee buzzing bothering somebody else but me
What was my jelly sandwich for?
Track Name: B.S. LLC
I haven't slept well in a fortnight
not when the seems converge in my hall
I see the ceiling slant on all five sides
I wonder if this breaks any laws
"...if no problem is found, I will bill you for the time. Thank you!"
Track Name: Sluglords
I'm reading e-mails from my landlord, I want to bash my head into his skull
so the blood that's rushing to it has somewhere else to go
if I read one more line about how you take your commitments seriously
I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out,
but not before I burn your house to the ground

So don't call me gentleman and don't threaten me with bullshit fines
you greedy bastard don't e-mail me your blatant shitty lies
and don't send your junky plumber or your cracked out landscape thieving spies
to impress the tenants parents and to cover up your apathy and neglect
I hope your car gets in a wreck

And when the paramedics come and pull your charred but breathing
body from the wreckage of your Cadillac Escalade
I hope they have to amputate your right leg and you're confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your penny pinching miserable fucking life


I'm reading emails from my landlord's son I want to bash my head in with a brick
all this condescension from a soft-skulled cave man makes me want to be sick
it's no wonder why your books are all in disaray so send another email telling me how many months I haven't payed

I'd like to take my tin snips to your fingers one by one so you're forced to listen to yourself as you dictate to your retard son
did you drop him on the pavement some long time ago
or was the damage self inflicted after doing all that blow

I just don't want to live under a fucking fascist
fish dick licking Slocum slum lord for another god damned year
I'd rather spend the next ten years running from a court ordered eighteen hundred dollar judgement than give you one more motherfucking dime
or give you anymore of my time
I hope your house burns down to the ground

and when the smoke clears
they will find a couple kilos worth of cocaine in the cabinets
so your slug spawn of a son who's fault it probably was goes back to jail
and I hope that all your pets die, and your insurance policy doesn't cover arson,
if you deserve it.
Track Name: Mosquito Nymphs
Eaton bread is stale
Thompson post my bail
I could watch home movies for a lifetime

And if they do get old,
I've got a few more shows if there's still time for that
when this blows over

Someone stole my bike,
just ripped the chain in half.
Left it lying like a sign read "never coming back"

So I bout some blades
but just to be safe i wont ride them anymore
Until they let me in the store to buy some fucking wrist guards

I've got to get out of this room before the walls and door entomb
my sleeping brain awakes at dawn, but I'm dreaming until noon

and my new years resolution for 2012
was to meet more girls
and learn more spells

So I walked down to the bank and I sat and I waited
and I waited and I thank about how much I owe my parents
but the bus was running late, so the thought began to worsen
when I had a realization that I'm a huge financial burden

So I took the bus to school and I sat being quiet in my one and only class
then I walked back to the bus stop where a crowd was now forming
and I waited for the bus to come back
and take me away before I see a familiar face

it could be worse, you could be riding in a hearse
it will get better, cause no one's ever lived forever
you are here, and soon enough you will be home
but in between, there will be drones of couples
groping at the silence with their tongues
unashamed of how their voices can drown out the diesel engine's hums
they're sucking their thumbs
Track Name: Dyspnea Reloaded
I work to live
or live to work, whats the difference anyway

I work to live, but I always feel like shit
I feel like I am dying, every goddamn day and its gotta be okay
but I can't breath

I work to live
to try to put milk in my cup
but I always end up with half a spoiled gallon at the bottom of the fridge

Everybody's working for their weekend,
but whats it worth, being spent

The poor rob the poor while the police pad their pensions with your pittance of a paycheck

My car got towed the other day,
I'm making minimum wage, and I just need someone to blame
for ruining my day
to have an empty parking lot
at four in the morning on a fucking Sunday
somebody's going to pay and its gonna be me.

I'm gonna quit smoking
I'm gonna quit my job
I'm gonna quit school and live out in the woods
I'm gonna get a dog
I'm gonna become completely unrelateable
I'm gonna live off of the land for as long as I can